Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Don’t Watch Don’t Listen Don’t Think

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I woke up this morning feeling a tad protein deficient, so I grilled up some meat, and washed it down with some of that high test coffee I told you about last week. My wife naturally had something to say about my choice of breakfast grub, but I raised the finger of silence, which insured some peace and quiet while I ate.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Don’t Watch Don’t Listen Don’t Think

The finger of silence is one of those successful marraige tools that you pick up over the years that nobody tells you about when you get married. I always invoke the finger when I haven’t yet downed the requisite amount of coffee necessary to kickstart my brain into normal daily function.

The wife usually invokes the finger when she is carrying in bags of things that have department store logo’s on them. And so it works for both of us. Yesterday I watched in amusement as the Right Reverend Obama spoke to an audience of his peers. (Crooks, con men, shysters, hucksters, thieves, quacks…I mean Democrats.)

It looks like the Right Reverend has decided that he is going to talk us into submission, telling one whopper after another nonstop until November, when it will only be two years until he has to be renominated.

Now last week he said that his spending increase was actually a tax cut for middle Americans, (the most abused term ever coined), that he was fighting the war on terror, (one minute out of every sixty), that health care needed to be passed, that jobs was his number one priority, and that Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell needed to be repealed.

Then yesterday he told his audience that they shouldn’t listen to cable news, which is just a rehash of last years feud with FOX. He managed to remember CNBC, and MSNBC, but his main criticism was aimed at FOX, because nobody watchs the other shows. (Killer Keith Olbermann’s act is down 44%, while O’Reilly is up 55%, and even Democrats rate FOX as the best source of news.)

The Right Reverend doesn’t want you to watch FOX because you might actually get to thinking that HOPE and CHANGE are just so much BS, and under his “leadership” the country is going to hell in a handbasket.

He’d rather you watch Obama approved television, such as NBC, CBS, and ABC. That’s where his brown nosing lackeys pontificate on what’s good for you and the country, because youse is too dumb to figger it out for yerselfs.

This morning the Right Reverend is at a prayer breakfast, no doubt telling the audience what God wants, and he’s just the humble messenger. “If you won’t listen to me…then listen to what God wants…and you won’t find that message on FOX.” (Or will we?)

Now I won’t ever claim to be a god squader, but I do remember the concept of free will, which clearly states that you have a choice in how things go, which means that there must be an alternative argument. If you don’t ever listen to the alternative, how are you going to know what the right decision is? And who says the Right Reverend is on God’s side? (When all your friend’s are atheists, there is a high chance that you are too, even if you’re wearing the collar, and quoting all the right chapters and verses.)

It’s that old “watch what I do, not what I say,” and the public is catching up fast. No wonder the Right Reverend is running scarred. Instead of hearing the sweet flutter of twenty dollar bills, he is hearing the tinny clang of spare change in the collection basket.

Keep your eyes open, your ears tuned, and your synapses firing, even as the Right Reverend dangles his pocket watch back and forth, back and forth…no one can be hypnotized against their will.

My good friend the Greedmaster once told his followers that one of keys to weight loss was “Sitdowns.” When asked by a BBW what a “Sitdown” was, he replied, (in true Greedmaster style), that a “Sitdown” was when a Lardassian got the urge to stand up and go get some ice cream, to just “Sit their fat ass down.”

So I have coined “Doodaoppozit.” Whenever the Right Reverend tells you what you should be doing, (which is anytime his mouf is open), “Doodaoppozit!”

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